I have Christmas to blog. I have New Year's to blog. I've completely missed January. Where did it go? It was just here. I saw it briefly. And now it's officially the 2nd day of February. Today is Groundhog's Day. Also knows as my older brother, Rob's birthday. Happy 40!!! :)
Do you ever feel like you're living Groundhog's Day? You remember the movie? Way back in 1993 with Bill Murray... we watched as he lived the same day over and over until he got it right. I would love to relive some days and re-do them... to have the chance to change a comment, to be nice, to not say anything instead of making some ugly remark. Why do we do that? Then there are days I feel like I just can't get out of... they go on forever. I just want to go home and hug my babies.... but this cycle of life keeps going round and round and I'm missing my babies.
I want a baby. Random thought - I do not want to have another baby. Well, really that's not true. I wouldn't mind being pregnant again at all. But that's not the point. I want a baby and I want a boy baby and I want one of those Haitian boys who's lost his family, home, etc. I just want to go down there and grab him up and bring him home. And be done with it. He's mine! If only life worked that way.
We have connections in our church with Haiti and they played a video on Sunday which I cried through the whole thing. What's wrong with me? Am I just being emotional? Is this crazy? Men in our church family have travelled south to help. I keep hoping they'll come home with a little boy in their suitcase for me. :)
Christmas around here was tons of fun. I worked Christmas Day this year so we celebrated early with the kids. We had our Christmas 2 days early so we could have Christmas Eve with the extended family. It was so much more fun to celebrate early. I think the kids enjoyed it too. There is no "santa" here... just Mommy and Daddy. The kids all pick out gifts to give each other. This is more enjoyable than opening any santa gift. They really get excited to see the others open what they've picked and wrapped. Oh yeah... the wrapping is part of the fun too. They have to pick out just the right paper for the job. Then we go through some tape. We go through a LOT of tape. Sometimes I wonder how the paper can ever be torn open there's so much tape on it. They can hardly contain their secrets. "Do you think she'll like it?" Their hearts are so genuine at a time when most hearts are so selfish.
This year everyone got a bike... the next size up! Curtis found a couple really cheap ones for the little girls so they wouldn't feel left out... since we really already have their size. Bennett is riding one that's pretty much adult size. He's NINE! Why does he have to be so big... and such a daredevil? Maggie is keeping up with him. Not jumping the ramps... but rides alongside him through the woods and trails they create. Ruth is learning... she wanted training wheels on hers and is too chicken to ride Maggie's without them. Then she figured out that training wheels and gravel driveway don't make a fun outing. She's learning. She doesn't want to. But eventually she'll ride a bike. Lydia is unmotivated by anyone but herself. Is this the curse of being the baby? Oh, she is such the baby! But she still cuddles with me and lets me sniff her. She still giggles and makes me laugh. She still needs serious boundaries and instructions! She still frustrates me when she whines. But I love every ounce of her being.
Maggie turned 8 and we celebrated! My sister (from PA) was still in town with her kids so they joined us and Grandma at the American Girl store to pick out Maggie's new gift. We made a day of it. We shopped. We ate. She requested STEAK and so we did... Grandma made her a chocolate cake and brought it with her. We took it in the restaurant, lit the candles, sang loudly and passed it around. We even gave a slice to our server who gladly boasted to her friends in the kitchen. After dinner Mom and Lara headed back to Griffin and we headed to our new year's eve rockin' party at Strong Rock Camp where we ate and played until 2am. It was weird though. We had a decent group until 11:30 and then right before the official ball/peach/chicken drop... they all went home. So our midnight crew was a smaller, more intimate group. We chinked glasses and then went back to our card games and Farkle. Please play Farkle sometime. It's a quick game... and it's lots of fun. The girls had a mean game of cards going on we just couldn't stop until we were victorious! A fun birthday and New Year's celebration this year.
At work we've had a changing of the guards of sorts. Pretty much all our management left, quit, got fired, retired, etc and now we're at a point that could be very good... or very bad. We're praying (well, at least I am) for the right manager, the right educator. Sometimes we have a hard time getting out of our rut and onto the path where we belong. Why do people resist change? Why is change looked at as a bad thing? And why is it that a group of complainers is so hard to break up and convince? We have "committees" (I thought that was a Baptist thing) and we're focusing on making changes to lead us into the future. I'm sure there's some motivational phrase just waiting to be created there. Our teams are meeting... a lot more that I wanted. That's in addition to the normal work days. We have overload of babies in the unit and it's busy. I don't want to go to work but there's work to do. This is where the Groundhog's Day feeling comes in to play. Every week it's the same thing. Go to work... love my work... but miss the kids. Get home... throw them in bed... read, sign and go through papers. Day "off" to clean the kitchen, do the laundry and get ready for whatever activities are up for the day. I try to do playgroup for Lydia on Tuesdays because in August we'll be done with the playgroup thing. I've been doing that since B was born... it'll have been 10 years by the time she goes off to school. Thursdays we have our family group dinners - every Thursday. I try to schedule to be off for those too. Which means I work a lot of Monday, Wednesday, Friday. Not a bad schedule... it fits with the family. Sometimes I would like to work night shifts just to not miss out on the day time activities. Here it is 2am and I'm up and functioning while they sleep. They don't miss me when they sleep. Every night they ask "Mommy, will you be home tomorrow?". WHY do they do that to me? But then there are downsides to working nights too. Eventually a gal's got to sleep. Speaking of... is it bad that I can still hear him snoring even with music playing in my headphones? :)
Back to work stuff... we have a couple kids that have become special to me. 3 months with us in the NICU, you get to know them - the parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc. Going home is coming up soon... and it's a good thing, but I'll miss them. We also had a loss this month. Now that is very difficult when it's one of those special 3 month babies. Argh! Our hearts wrenched last week. And we snuggle our own a little longer, hug a little closer, and say yes when they ask if you'll play instead of reading/writing emails, checking facebook updates, doing laundry, washing dishes. Let's go ride bikes. Let's go for a walk. Can we play? Will you read?
I'm not going back to read this post for fear of finding how rambling it really is. I didn't write half of what I wanted. I didn't look for any pictures. I never did write a Christmas card. Is it too late?